I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
