Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
