two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
