I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
