im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
