chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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