it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
