The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love you.
Bad choice
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
