Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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