My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
