I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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