By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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