Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
