What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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