im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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