I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
