I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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