Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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