can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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