Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
