you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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