My cat gives me a boner
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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