I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
