you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
