I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize