I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
