Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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