I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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