Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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