thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
