i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
