my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
