how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
