I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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