I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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