how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
