Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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