So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
