Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
