I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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