i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
