Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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