even my farts smell like vagina
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
