Plan B is the new Plan A
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
