You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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