he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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