Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
