So drunk its hurt
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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