I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
