farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
