pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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