After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He shit in the fireplace
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
