his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
