you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
