I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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