Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
