The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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