Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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