I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
