Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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