y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We are all done wearing pants today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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