Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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