some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
