i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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