6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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