Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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