Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
