I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
