I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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