??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
