It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
