Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
