This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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