this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
