Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
