I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
