I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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