Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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