i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
